I am working on a blog series right now, but while that is slowly materializing, I wanted to be all mainstream and share my thoughts on Sunday's Oscars:
Jon Stewart: I am such a Jon Stewart fan; he is one of the few people out there who can make me laugh out loud. He didn’t fail the other night, with his Spielberg/Trilogy list topping my favorites. That said, I feel like he was a little too cordial on Sunday; I was expecting that relentless, Daily Show, I’m not your monkey
kind of humor, and felt like he was holding back. After the one zillionth anvil was dropped about how DVDs just suck compared to the big screen, I eagerly awaited a brilliant, wry remark. Unfortunately, there was no remark to be had. I’m sure you could argue that he didn’t want to create a hostile audience or upset the producers of the show, but to me, that’s just not what I am tuning in for. Prior to Sunday, I figured the crowd wouldn’t get
Jon. That seemed to be the case – Jon joking politics to these I’m Democrat because I belong to a Union
yoo-hoos is like Jerry Seinfeld joking about Manhattan to a first grade classroom in Idaho. Jon’s rating last night: B+ for not completely selling out.
Shameless Plugs for Going to the Movies
: Movies on the big screen – you can’t beat it. Look at Titanic! Look at Gone with the Wind! The sights! The sound! Isn’t it better than watching it on a portable DVD player? You know it is. Don’t kid yourself. You WANT the movie experience. You WANT to spend $10 just to sit in a cramped chair without a pause button. You really love Little Shit kicking the back of your chair and whining about popcorn. Text-Message Bitch is endearing to you – the way Yeah!
all blasts on her phone during the big dramatic moment, and the way she giggles as her ultra-lit up cell phone is all on in front of you, in all its intrusive glory. And where would you be without Wailing Baby who Has No Business Being at the 10:30 pm Showing of Saw II? What, you’re still not convinced? Let’s show you clips on a big screen so you can remember what you’re missing out on. This would be really useful IF THEY WEREN’T SHOWING ON YOUR F-ING TELEVISION SET; but just think about how nice it would be if you were there, at the Oscars, looking at these big beautiful movies. See? It’s Gone with The Wind!
Wasn’t that so much better in the theaters? 97 F-ING YEARS AGO? Oh, and here’s Mr. Moviephone. He sounds like he misses you. F-!
A Lack of Tom Cruise and His Child Bride: Why do I come across as Ape-Fuck Crazy? Page 237. A+
Jamie Foxx: Oh Jamie, why did you have to go that way? Do Oscars do this to people? Next year, am I going to see Phillip Seymour Hoffman all wearing shades, promoting his album everywhere he can? Contemplating while presenting because Charlize Theron is, by all accounts, a South African-American? And by the way – the Hell? Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. You endeared me in your 20/20 interview. You won me over in Collateral. You had me at Ray. Why must your soil my memories with this self-important garbage? Go back to making cool movies and get over yourself. C-
Tag Team Thank Yous: Who felt bad for the chick who won with the guy who went on for 3 years about Where the Wild Things Are?
It was almost funny; she knew time was running out, and she was not-so-subtley trying to pry the mike away from her thank-happy partner’s greedy little clutches. The second he finally gave it to her, the music cut her off completely. Classy. I hope she clocked that jackass with her Oscar – I hear those things are heavy. D
Three 6 Mafia: This is my kind of Oscars. People all forgetting the suit and tie, Mo-Fo-ing all over the place, getting bleeped out and shit. And thank you, Mr. Oscar, for finally recognizing music other than whiny Celene Dion crap. Do I think it’s a good song? Hell no. But at least it’s not written by Dianne Warren or Desmond Child. That deserves an A, Mother F-er!